Maggie Read online

  ‘Not a chance,’ she’d said. ‘I don’t want anything to do with Christmas; how can I? It’s not right, and you shouldn’t expect me to.’

  ‘I didn’t expect you to – I was just giving you the option. I understand how hard this is going to be, we both understand … Ruby brought some decorations from the house in Melton; they were in the attic. Do you want us to use them?’

  She’d shrugged. ‘Up to you. Do what you like. They don’t mean anything any more.’

  Now though, on Christmas morning, she couldn’t stop looking at it. It was a beautiful tree, and it was now covered in a collection of ornaments, old, home-made and even downright ugly. Then her eyes were drawn to the fairy that was standing on the middle of the mantelpiece. Every Christmas that she could remember she had stood with her feet on the seat either side of George Wheaton’s knees, as he sat in his wheelchair, and ceremoniously placed the fairy at the top. He’d held her ankles, and every single time he’d let go and pretended to let her fall, only to grab her at the last second.

  ‘We left the fairy for you, Maggie,’ Ruby said. ‘It’s yours, and we want you to put her up there, in memory of your mum and dad.’

  Before she could react, she was engulfed in the whirlwind that was three overexcited young boys jumping up and down and shouting.

  ‘Put the fairy on the top, put the fairy on the top …’ they repeated over and over, and much as she wanted to just run and hide, she couldn’t do it to them; she made herself accept that they were just children anticipating Christmas.

  She carefully picked up the fairy and then, without thinking, held it straight up to her face. She could smell her mother on it, just a hint of the Tweed perfume that she always wore, and along with that aroma she could remember her last family Christmas as if it had happened yesterday.

  The last place she wanted to put the precious fairy doll was on the tree; she wanted to go up to her bedroom and hold it in her hands forever.

  But she forced herself to do it, because she knew it was what her parents would have wanted. Standing on a chair, she placed the fairy on the empty top branch, then slowly and carefully pulled the lace and net skirt out, straightening the creases and gently fixing the arm that held her wand into the right position. Lastly, she moved the angle of the tiny tiara, which had been replaced several times over the years.

  She could feel the tears prickling at the back of her eyes, so she opened her eyes wide and climbed down again.

  ‘Shall we turn the lights on?’ Ruby asked gently. ‘Do you want to do it, Maggie?’

  ‘No, let Russell do it, he’s the youngest,’ she said, without looking at anyone. She blinked again, not wanting anyone to see her tears, but she could feel Ruby’s eyes on her as Johnnie and the three boys crowded around the switch.

  ‘One, two three … ON,’ they all shouted in unison. Except for Maggie, who just stood there silently.

  The bedecked tree lit up, and the fairy looked as if she was aglow with the solitary small white bulb at the very top shining through her skirt. Maggie felt a physical pain in her chest as she looked and remembered, but the moment was gone when Martin, Paul and Russell all started talking at once.

  ‘Father Christmas has been, but we’re not allowed to open anything until we get back from church—’

  ‘I’ve got more presents under the tree than you—’

  ‘No, you haven’t, we’ve all got the same. I counted—’

  ‘You can’t count—’

  ‘Enough!’ Johnnie clapped his hands and shouted over the top of the noise. ‘We’re going to church right now. We’re meeting Gracie, Edward and Fay there, so we can’t be late or we won’t be able to sit together. Shoes and coats on, all of you.’

  As the boys darted off to the hallstand, Ruby went over to Maggie and put her arm around her. ‘I’m so proud of you. I know it’s hard.’

  Maggie shrugged her off. ‘Christmas is for kids; so long as they enjoy it. I never want another one in my whole life – not without Mum and Dad, and certainly not with you.’

  As they walked to church, Maggie kept her focus by counting down to the day when she would be away from them all forever. The day when she would be with Andy and she would have a career doing what she loved most, singing. The single thing which kept her from going mad in the lonely hours she spent in her bedroom or walking the streets alone.

  Maggie Wheaton did what she’d promised herself and played the Christmas game. She’d written cards, bought presents for everyone and managed to look pleased when she opened hers from Ruby and Johnnie, which was a new record player and the smallest transistor radio she’d ever seen. It was a thoughtful present, and she wished she could be genuinely pleased, but the big black cloud hanging over her head meant it might as well have been a bar of chocolate. She didn’t feel a single thing, so she faked it.

  ‘Phew, I’m stuffed,’ Johnnie said as he leant back in his chair after a long and noisy dinner and made a great show of patting his belly. ‘That was great, Rubes, especially the pudding. Beautiful. It was the best, wasn’t it everyone? The best …’

  ‘Well, that’s good, because Gracie, Maggie and I did all the work, so now all of you boys are going to do the washing up.’

  ‘But we’ve got bikes …!’ Martin said.

  Ruby pretended to think. ‘OK then. The two biggest boys, Johnnie and Edward, will do the washing up, and the rest of you can come with me and Gracie. We’re going down the seafront.’

  ‘Can we bring our bikes?’ Russell asked.

  ‘Of course you can.’ Gracie laughed. ‘Come on then – and you as well, Maggie. We need you to help. Three bikes and a doll’s pram is a bit much for the two of us.’

  ‘I’m going to my room. I don’t feel well.’

  Ruby and Gracie exchanged glances, and then both looked at her at the same time.

  ‘No, Maggie, that’s not fair. You’ve got to—’ Johnnie started to say, but Ruby shut him down with a fierce stare.

  ‘You’ve probably eaten too much; I know I have. You have a lie down, and we’ll see when we come back. We won’t be long; we’re cutting it a bit fine for the Queen’s Speech,’ Ruby said as they all crowded through the front door into the porch. She looked at her husband. ‘Johnnie, can you just help me and the boys get the bikes out of the garage?’

  Maggie looked the other way; she knew that Ruby was going to talk about her, tell Johnnie to go easy on her, but she wasn’t interested. She’d had too much of Christmas jolliness already, and she just wanted to be on her own.

  As the front door closed, she ran up the stairs and watched from her bedroom window as they all marched off towards the nearby seafront.

  Martin and Paul, Johnnie’s boisterous two sons, were close in age and so similar in appearance that they were often mistaken for twins. Both had light brown hair, were tall for their ages, and loved rough and tumble play, while Russell, the baby of the family at five, was a gentle natured, blonde-haired little boy who had yet to find his feet alongside his brothers.

  Martin and Paul rushed ahead, leaving Russell to try and catch up, while Fay, Gracie’s daughter, trotted along importantly with Gracie and Ruby, pushing her pram with the new doll inside. It was a family scene that Maggie felt a stranger to, and after she’d watched the group disappear from view she lay down on her bed and closed her eyes. She couldn’t wait to go to London and leave them all behind.

  With the door ajar, Maggie lay there waiting and listening. She was scared to listen to music, despite the new record player and transistor, in case she missed the call from Andy. She heard them all come back from the walk, the clattering of crockery as tea was prepared, but he didn’t ring, and she was too scared of upsetting Jack Blythe to phone the Manor House. Three times the phone rang down in the hall, and Maggie hurled herself off the bed and down the stairs, only to discover it wasn’t for her.

  ‘I think we should make her come down, make her join in something. It’s not right her locked away upstairs like this …’ Johnn
ie whispered to Ruby as she stood at the kitchen sink, pretending to be busy. It had been a strange day for her. Her daughter was in the family fold, just as she had wanted every Christmas since Maggie was born, but the circumstances were all wrong, and she didn’t know how to make things right.

  ‘And it’s rude,’ he continued.

  ‘There’s not one person here other than you who thinks that. The boys are happy enough playing draughts with Fay, and Gracie and Edward have far more important things on their mind than Maggie in her bedroom. Leave her alone.’

  ‘It’s not healthy. We should make her come down.’

  ‘I said, “No!”’ Ruby hissed.

  ‘OK, whatever you want, but come the New Year, if things don’t improve …’

  ‘Don’t even say it.’

  Johnnie looked at his wife for a moment, and then, without another word, turned on his heel and walked out.

  A few minutes after he’d left the kitchen, Gracie wandered in. She perched on the edge of the kitchen table and for a few moments said nothing – she just let Ruby take her frustration and anger out on a burnt oven dish.

  ‘Everything OK?’ she asked eventually. ‘Stupid question. Of course it’s not. But we all know why! It’s the first Christmas for her without George and Babs, so of course she’s going to be miserable as sin, but everyone forgets that you feel their loss also. Yes?’

  ‘Yes, I know that, and you know that, but Johnnie just doesn’t understand, and it shocks me that he doesn’t. I thought he was kinder than that. He expects her to just get over it and behave.’

  ‘That’s men, Rubes. They like to think they can fix everything and hate it when they can’t. Johnnie’s frustrated because he can’t get through to her. So he’s downstairs feeling useless, and she’s upstairs feeling useless. Cut from the same cloth that pair.’

  ‘He wants to send her back to Melton. I told him that if she goes then so do I.’

  ‘Do you mean that? Would you really leave Thamesview?’

  ‘If I had to choose between Maggie and the hotel then it would be Maggie, but it would be hard.’

  ‘And if Johnnie refuses? What about the boys?’

  ‘Oh, shut up, Gracie, I’m not in the mood for you being all rational and sensible.’ Despite her tone, Ruby managed a faint smile. ‘And anyway, who are you to talk? I’m thinking about Cambridgeshire, with telephones and things; you’re off to the other side of the world leaving me without a friend to bare my soul to.’

  ‘Oh, below the belt, girl, below the belt!’ Gracie looked at her friend quizzically.

  ‘Come on, you know I don’t mean it. I don’t want you to go, but I know it’ll be a fantastic adventure for you all.’

  ‘OK, I forgive you. But, trust me, it’ll all come out in the wash eventually. You’ve been through worse.’

  ‘I suppose so. It just seems so strange to look back at last Christmas and see how different it is this year. Everything has been turned on its head.’ Ruby flexed her shoulders and shook her head around to relax her knotted muscles. ‘Oh well, we can’t go back, so we have to do the best we can with what we’ve got. Come on, back to the fray.’

  ‘Yep, let’s go. And tomorrow’s another day.’

  ‘Oh, my good God in heaven, I’d forgotten that for a moment. We’re going over to Betty’s. Will Maggie go? Won’t she? Will we have another row? Will it snow and put an end to the decisions, decisions?’

  Gracie laughed. ‘I dunno. How do you fancy another gin and tonic?’

  ‘Sounds like the best idea of the day. Make mine a large one. The little ones are all overexcited; they need to calm down a bit or none of them will sleep tonight.’

  The two women went back through to the sitting room arm-in-arm.

  The three boys and Fay were laughing and bickering as they tried to gather up the draught pieces that were all over the floor as Johnnie and Edward stood, oblivious, in the corner of the room deep in conversation. It was a homely, family picture, apart from Maggie, who was upstairs, and Ruby just wanted to cry for her daughter, the daughter she had loved unconditionally since the moment she was born, the daughter who she had inadvertently caused such pain to.

  Maggie was tearful with relief when Christmas day, the first one she had ever spent without George and Babs Wheaton, was finally over and she didn’t have to pretend any more. She’d done exactly as she was asked for as long as she could, but she was tucked up in bed by nine o’clock – albeit with her door still ajar just in case Andy rang.

  The next day she stayed in her room until she heard the house go silent and she knew she was at home alone. When Ruby had asked her again to go with them to Hornchurch to meet Betty and her family, she’d pretended to hesitate and then offered the alternative that Jeanette had suggested. She’d been surprised that her decision had been accepted; she had expected at the very least an argument, but they’d accepted it.

  She went downstairs and looked at the telephone on the hall table as if she could will it to ring. It was several hours before it did.

  ‘I expected you to ring me yesterday …’ Maggie said, unable to keep the sulk out her voice. ‘I wanted to wish you Happy Christmas, and I thought you’d do the same.’

  ‘Oh, I know, but it all got just too hectic. I didn’t have a minute to spare. Another of my mother’s parties.’

  ‘On Christmas Day?’ she asked.

  ‘What’s wrong with that?’ Andy asked tetchily. ‘We like that sort of thing. Dad invited a lot of important people, and I had to circulate.’

  ‘Sorry. I know you’re busy. And your dad. I was just impatient to sort out the date I can move in. I’ve got to arrange this really carefully so they can’t find me.’

  ‘Anytime, really. I’m back at work on Monday, so up to you. Dad doesn’t like taking time off, so it’s business as usual. He never stops.’

  ‘OK. As soon as I know when I can get out of the house safely, I’ll ring you. I don’t want to get caught with a suitcase.’ Maggie laughed nervously. She didn’t want Andy to know that she was scared witless at the idea, which had seemed so good at the time. They chatted for a while longer, or rather Andy talked and Maggie listened, and then she heard his mother’s voice in the background calling him.

  ‘Got to go. Dad wants me.’ He paused. ‘But before I go … Have you done anything about your inheritance? Only, Dad says he’ll manage it for you. It’ll be safer than letting your family get their hands on it. He’s good with money.’

  Again, Maggie felt the twinge of discomfort at the mention of her inheritance, but she ignored it. They were only looking out for her, which was more than Ruby and Johnnie had ever done.

  ‘I’ll try again before I leave.’

  Eighteen

  ‘Where the hell is she?’ Ruby shouted as she ran from room to room. ‘Most of her things are still in her bedroom, but Babs’ suitcase has gone from the top of the wardrobe and her favourite clothes are missing. And the photo of Babs and George from beside her bed … Johnnie, Johnnie, she’s run away, she’s bloody run away! This is your fault. You pushed and pushed, and that row was the final straw …’

  ‘Hang on, it was you who went berserk. You ranted at her, not me!’

  ‘She was drunk!’

  ‘Not that drunk that she couldn’t remember what you said to her, it seems.’

  ‘I hate you, Johnnie Riordan,’ Ruby shouted as she went off around the house looking in all the rooms. ‘You never wanted her here, and you’ve made her life hell.’

  When Johnnie didn’t respond, Ruby started issuing orders. ‘The garage – you go and look in the garage, and the sheds. Look over every inch of the garden, and I’ll do the bedrooms again. And the attic! She might have gone looking for something and fallen …’

  Ruby was distraught and terrified. It had been hard for everyone in the months after the accident, but she’d really thought they were getting somewhere, and recently Maggie had been much less argumentative and a little easier to live with.

  But th
e row two nights before had been really huge, and Maggie had pushed to the point where Ruby had finally lost all her self-control and turned into the type of screaming banshee woman she’d always hated. Afterwards, she had been ashamed of her outburst, but Maggie had stayed in her bedroom out of the way.

  ‘I’ll go and talk to her,’ Ruby had said the next day when Maggie didn’t appear.

  ‘Just let her suffer in silence. She’s got to show her face at the hotel tomorrow; that’ll be soon enough,’ Johnnie had said, so they had left her to her own devices until the following morning, and now there was no way of knowing when she had actually gone missing or where she might be.

  Maggie had stayed out later than her curfew of ten p.m. many times before, but it had never been more than an hour or so, and she’d never stayed out past midnight. On that particular occasion she’d rolled up at two o’clock in the morning and not even tried to come in quietly. It had been her first evening out in town since before Christmas, and she’d only gone to the Capri for a coke, but then things had escalated and a group of them had gone back to someone’s house to a party and she had drunk alcohol for the first time since the sherry.

  A girl who lived nearby had walked back with her, but then she’d gone off in the opposite direction leaving Maggie to try and find her key and get it into the lock. After much fumbling she’d managed, but then she’d accidentally slammed the front door so hard that the glass had loosened. As several pieces of lead-light glass had fallen out, landing on the tiled floor of the hallway with a crash, she’d started to giggle and feel sick at the same time.

  The noise had been loud enough to wake Ruby and Johnnie, and Johnnie had run downstairs in his pyjamas to find Maggie crunching over the broken glass giggling and smelling of alcohol.

  ‘Are you drunk?’ Johnnie asked incredulously.

  ‘I dunno, am I drunk?’ Maggie slurred, just as Ruby appeared behind him, followed closely by Russell, rubbing his eyes and looking bewildered.

  The little boy was a miniature of his father; he had blond hair, wide blue eyes and a smile that charmed everyone, but there was also enough of Ruby in his genes for him to also look just like Maggie, his blonde-haired sister.