Ruby Page 13

  When he left an hour later he was none the wiser; Babs Wheaton had given away nothing, although she hadn’t denied that she knew where Ruby was. Johnnie hovered around for a few minutes after Mrs Wheaton had shut the door and then went across and knocked on the door of Derek Yardley’s lodgings over the garage. Then he knocked again. And again.

  ‘Hello, mate. Long time no see.’

  Derek Yardley tried to smile but it just didn’t happen. Johnnie knew that guilty look and it surprised him, but at the same time he was intrigued. The man was hiding something.

  ‘I’m looking for Ruby Blakeley – have you seen her?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No suggestions where she might be then?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Can’t say I believe you, but no matter. I’ll be back, so you have a think in the meantime, eh?’

  The two young women were sitting side by side on the seawall swinging their legs and looking out to sea. They were both wearing similar but different coloured outfits of patterned cotton frocks, light cardigans and summer sandals, but whereas Ruby’s clothes were good quality, almost new and well-fitting, Gracie’s were faded and overworn bordering on threadbare.

  ‘What happened to your baby, Ruby? Why isn’t it living with you?’ Gracie McCabe asked curiously.

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it. It’s over and done with, and now I want to forget all about it and get on with my life. Like you do,’ Ruby said firmly.

  ‘It didn’t die, did it?’ Gracie’s jaw dropped as the thought occurred to her.

  ‘Of course not. I’d have said, wouldn’t I?’ Ruby sighed loudly and raised her eyes skywards. ‘And stop saying “it”. She’s a girl and I gave her up to be adopted, if you must know. Same as you with your baby boy, who’s a he.’ She emphasised the words but smiled at the same time.

  ‘But why would you have your baby adopted, you being a war widow and all that … unless you’re not a widow at all!’ Gracie studied her closely for a few moments, then continued, ‘I thought about saying I was a widow but when I had to go into the home they wouldn’t let me. The bloody nuns thought I had to feel shame and be punished for my sins. And, God, was I punished. That’s why I just left the baby there and did a runner. I wasn’t going to spend another six weeks in purgatory being punished before they took him away. Ten days in hospital with him were bad enough.’

  ‘Don’t you want to know what they’ve done with him? Haven’t you got to sign papers and things?’

  ‘They wouldn’t have told me that, anyway. They just arrange it all and you do as you’re told. I knew he was going to be adopted so that was it. Do you know what’s happened to yours, then?’

  Ruby shook her head. ‘I don’t want to talk about it. Neither of us has our baby any more. That’s it, there’s no going back now, is there?’

  ‘I suppose not.’ Gracie replied with a deep sadness in her voice that Ruby could understand. Despite her protestations of indifference, every time Ruby closed her eyes she could see the little bundle of shawl, bonnet and rosebud lips that was her firstborn as she said her final goodbye. She knew that image would stay with her for ever and she was sure that Gracie would be feeling the same, despite them both proclaiming their joy at their current freedom.

  The day Ruby had left the hospital she’d given Gracie her address at the Thamesview Hotel, and asked her to keep in touch, but it had been several weeks before the young woman had eventually turned up on the doorstep. She’d made light of her situation but Ruby could read between the lines and guessed that she’d had it rough. Having seen how Gracie had been treated in the hospital, she could only imagine how it must have been for her in the mother-and-baby home.

  ‘I’ve not offended you, have I?’ Ruby asked. ‘I just want to forget any of it ever happened.’

  Gracie swung her legs back over the wall and stood up on the pavement. ‘Of course not. I just don’t understand why you won’t confide in me. I’m not likely to tell anyone, am I? Me being in the same situation and all.’

  ‘I just can’t. One day I will. Promise!’ She looked at Gracie and smiled. ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’

  Gracie smiled back and then nudged her. ‘I know, how about we go for a walk to town and have a look in the Kursaal. There’s this bloke working there – I saw him last week when I was taking a walk – he’s so good-looking. I bet he’s a gypsy, he’s all swarthy and mysterious, like, and I swear he looked at me, you know, proper looked, like he fancies me.’

  ‘Aren’t you off men after what happened?’ Ruby frowned.

  ‘If you fall off your bike you get straight back on, that’s what my ma used to say, so that’s what I’m going to do,’ Gracie said with an exaggerated shrug, making Ruby laugh properly for the first time in months.

  ‘OK, OK, you win. I need some fun as well but it’s not going to be the man sort of fun for me. I’m done with all that for ever. I’m going to be an old spinster with a Pekingese. And an aspidistra in a gazunder.’

  Ruby got ready to cross the road back to the hotel. ‘You wait here and I’ll just go and grab my bag quick and hope I can get in and out without being seen or heard by any of Leonora’s Ladies. They all tell tales on me, and I’m supposed to be helping with afternoon tea.’

  Ruby put her forefinger up to her lips and gave an exaggerated wink. She was fed up with the questions. She was fed up with still having to act out being a nineteen-year-old grieving war widow who’d suffered a stillbirth. She was also fed up with Aunt Leonora alternately smothering her and then expecting her to act as an unpaid lady’s maid.

  She’d co-operated with everyone but now she had the urge to rebel. She wanted to be out and about having fun like other girls her age, like Gracie, not hanging around in the kitchen at the beck and call of the lady guests, then being sent off to bed at nine thirty like a schoolgirl.

  Before the Wheatons had left, taking her baby daughter with them, there had been a discussion about the future and George had promised to open a Post Office account for Ruby with enough money to keep her going until it was the right time for her to go back to them. Leonora had disapproved strongly of a young girl having access to a large sum of money and had wanted to control it, but Ruby had dug her heels in. She saw it not as a gift, but as a small payment for handing over her baby, and she fully intended to use it to go out and enjoy herself and pretend that the past months had never happened. She also thought that having money to spend would help to wipe Johnnie Riordan from her memory.

  But until Gracie turned up she hadn’t had the opportunity.

  After Gracie had walked out of the mother-and-baby home she’d quickly found a live-in job in the vast Palace Hotel at the top of the hill overlooking Southend Pier and the seafront. It was one of the most lowly and poorly paid jobs in the hotel, with long hours of back-breaking cleaning and polishing of the communal areas, but she had a bed to sleep in and food to eat, and the occasional afternoon off.

  The two young women had initially bonded in the hospital and after meeting up again their friendship had continued to grow, not only because of their similar situations but because they really liked each other. The circumstances of their pregnancies and adoptions were different but their feelings were the same and that meant they understood each other in a way no one else could.

  ‘Right, let’s go before I get spotted!’ Ruby said as, laughing, she ran down the hotel steps and off along the seafront with Gracie hot on her heels.

  Ruby had fallen in love with the Thames Estuary town of Southend. After the drabness of post-war Walthamstow and the sleepiness of the Cambridgeshire countryside, the seaside town was a hive of excitement just waiting to be explored, and now she had someone to explore it with.

  Gracie had been born and brought up there and, at twenty, she knew exactly where to go to have fun. Ruby hadn’t admitted her real age so Gracie still thought they were nearly the same age. She knew she would have to confess at some point but she was scared Gracie wouldn’t want to be friends with s
omeone four years younger than she was.

  ‘What shall we do? I’ve got some money, we can go wherever we want.’

  ‘Let’s walk to town and see what’s happening. I’ve got to get back to work at five, but we could have some chips on the beach and then have a go on the roller coaster? That’s where the young man works. He is so handsome, all moody-looking with green eyes and a tattoo on his arm.’

  ‘Sounds dangerous to me.’

  ‘Yes, I know, but I need some danger and excitement in my life after the home and the hospital and all that.’

  ‘Do you think I could get a job at the Palace as well?’ Ruby asked. ‘I have to get away from Aunt Leonora. She means well and has been really good to me but she’s just there all the time. It’d be nice to do whatever I want. I’ve never been able to do that.’

  ‘I dunno. I was lucky ’cos I know one of the chefs and he persuaded them. Lots of people are looking for jobs with board now, what with the bombing and everything. We lived in Westcliff up by Chalkwell Park and were bombed out. Mum’s rented a new place down near the seafront, but I’ve been banished. None of the family want to know me ’cos of the baby and other stuff. They think I’m a right tart but I’m not, I was just stupid. I shouldn’t have got caught out, specially with a bloody soldier passing through.’

  Gracie was a very plain girl. Her mousy hair was dead straight and more often than not it was greasy and lank. She suffered badly with acne though it never seemed to bother her; she was a livewire with a huge personality and Ruby enjoyed being with her. She wanted to ask a bit more about Gracie’s baby’s father but she knew she wasn’t ready to talk about Johnnie, so she said nothing.

  ‘Me, too.’

  ‘But if you were a widow then you were married, so then it was all right for you to have a baby.’ She paused and squinted sideways. ‘Something’s not right about your story. Why are you living with this aunt and why did you have your baby adopted? You’re no more a war widow than I am, Ruby Blakeley.’

  ‘I told you, I don’t want to talk about it. Keep on and I’m going back!’ Ruby looked down at the pavement and Gracie didn’t push it.

  The tide was out as they walked along the seafront with the weak autumn sun just about warming their faces. They stopped as they neared the Kursaal amusement park to watch some children playing in the mud. The little girls had their skirts tucked in their knickers and were giggling and ducking as the boys threw mud pies at them.

  ‘They’ll be in trouble when they get home. I remember when me and me sisters used to do that. Ma’d go bananas when we got home with mud caked up our legs and in our hair.’

  ‘It looks fun. I used to get all muddy but not from the beach. I lived in the country … Do you get on with your family? Apart from having the baby, that is.’

  ‘Yeah, on the whole I suppose. And me mum’ll come round sooner or later. She always does when one of us does wrong! We all fight like cat and dog but then we make up.’ Gracie laughed. ‘Want a fag?’

  ‘I don’t smoke.’

  ‘Oh, come on, give it go. It’s hard at first but once you get used to it it’s great. Let’s sit on the beach and I’ll show you how to do it.’

  They walked for a little way and then ducked down between two empty beach huts, away from the breeze that was blowing in from the Thames Estuary. In unison they tucked their skirts under their knees and perched on the cold pebbles. Then Gracie pulled two cigarettes out a packet of five, lit them both behind cupped hands from a single match and passed one to Ruby.

  ‘Now suck the smoke all the way into your lungs. It’ll make you cough but you’ll soon feel so relaxed and it looks so sophisticated when you do it right. As soon as you’ve learned we’ll go to the Kursaal and show ’em. Have you been on the roller coaster yet? It is so noisy and scary.’

  ‘No, I haven’t been anywhere except to the shops in the High Street. Not since I was in hospital. Not even before I was in hospital and I was sent into exile—’ Ruby stopped mid-sentence.

  ‘So you’re not a bloody war widow. I knew it.’ Gracie clapped her hands. ‘So go on, tell all. What happened to you? You tell me your story and I’ll tell you mine.’

  But before she could answer Ruby suddenly started coughing and spluttering as the smoke from her first cigarette hit her lungs.

  ‘It gets better …’ Gracie dissolved into laughter, with Ruby coughing and laughing at the same time. ‘Now tell.’

  ‘No, I’ve got a better idea. Let’s carry on walking. My lungs are on fire …’

  ‘I’m not moving until you tell me.’

  Ruby hesitated. The promise between Ruby and the Wheatons had been not to say a word to anyone, ever, but Gracie was different: she’d been through the same.

  ‘OK, I’ve not been widowed, or even married. I’m sixteen, not twenty, and Aunt Leonora isn’t my aunt. I got caught out and she helped me. Now, let’s go …’

  Ruby jumped up and ran off, Gracie in hot pursuit, but they hadn’t run far before a voice rang out.

  ‘Gracie, Gracie, stop!’

  The girls looked round in unison and saw two young men heading towards them.

  ‘Oh God, it’s Sean. He’s a porter at the Palace and keeps asking me out. What can we do? I don’t want to be lumbered with him now, I want to talk to you, you secretive cow!’ Gracie said out of the corner of her mouth as she waved half-heartedly.

  ‘Nothing you can do. He’s closing in on you,’ Ruby murmured. ‘Who’s that with him?’

  ‘Dunno, but not bad, eh? Think that one’s mine,’ Gracie murmured.

  ‘You can have both of them. I’m not interested in any men. Never again …’

  With no other option they stopped and waited for the two young men to catch them up.

  ‘Hello there, Gracie. Fancy seeing you here! And who’s your friend? This is my cousin Patrick, who’s visiting from London for the day. I’m showing him the delights of the Golden Mile.’

  ‘Hello, Sean. Hello, Patrick. This is Ruby, she’s a friend of mine who lives up in Thorpe Bay.’

  ‘Oh, very nice is Thorpe Bay. That’s where the money is,’ Sean said, and his tone made Ruby instantly cautious.

  ‘No money, me. I’m also staying with a relative,’ she said with a polite smile.

  ‘So where are you living when you’re not on your holidays by the sea?’ the other young man, Patrick, asked her, but Ruby chose not to respond. The last thing she wanted was personal questions from a stranger.

  ‘Don’t tell me then!’ he grinned.

  After everyone had shaken hands with everyone else, they all stood facing each other in an awkward silence, unsure of what to do next. Eventually Sean took the lead.

  ‘Would you girls like to go for a drink or something? We could go to the pub? Or the cafe?’

  Gracie looked at Ruby and then back at Sean and Patrick. ‘Not the pub, but the café at the end of the pier would be fun. We want chips and then I have to be back at work.’

  The group of four walked along to the pier and caught the train that trundled back and forth. At the pier head they bought cups of tea and bags of chips, and went to sit on one of the benches that faced the sea.

  ‘Look, I can see the Thamesview from here. I wish we had binoculars,’ Ruby said as she looked across the estuary.

  ‘What’s the Thamesview?’ Patrick asked.

  ‘It’s a landmark,’ Gracie said quickly. ‘The border between Southend and Thorpe Bay.’

  Ruby smiled at her gratefully. The streetwise Gracie was always much quicker than she when it came to covering up. ‘Shall we walk back? Did you know this is the longest pier in the world? It’s over a mile.’

  ‘And you want to walk it?’

  ‘Yes. It’ll do us all good. Lots of sea air in our lungs to clear out the fag smoke!’

  The four of them strolled all the way back to the seafront and then went their separate ways, Gracie to the Palace and Sean and Patrick to the High Street.

  When Ruby was on the bus on her w
ay back to the hotel, she realised she had enjoyed herself. Really enjoyed herself for the first time in so long. Sean had made no secret that he was interested only in Gracie, so Ruby and Patrick had been thrown together and had chatted about everything that wasn’t in the least bit personal. Gracie had kept glancing at Patrick all the while but Ruby didn’t mind. She wasn’t interested in having a serious boyfriend, but she enjoyed being part of a group again, being silly and acting like the carefree young girl she used to be in the good days in Melton. The days before she’d had to leave her school and all her expectations and go back to Walthamstow.

  Patrick had made noises about the four of them going out dancing one night, and the more Ruby thought about it the better that sounded.

  Fourteen

  ‘I’ve made up my mind, Aunt Leonora. I’m not going back to Melton.’

  ‘Why ever not?’ Leonora Wheaton asked sharply. ‘Babs and George are looking forward to you going back, and you getting to know Maggie. Have you decided to go home to London instead?’

  ‘No. I’m going to stay here, in Southend. I’ve got used to the place and I’ve got friends again. Anyway, I don’t think it’s fair on any of us for me to be around Maggie all the time. But don’t worry,’ she laughed, ‘I don’t mean I’m going to stay here.’

  Leonora looked hard at Ruby. ‘But how can you stay in Southend if you haven’t got anywhere to live?’

  ‘I’ve been offered a job at the Palace with Gracie, and I can live in there. It’s a shared room but I don’t mind.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound a good idea, Ruby. You’re still far too young to be living like that when you don’t have to. Gracie has no choice, poor thing, but you do. And your baby? You don’t really mean that, do you?’

  ‘Yes, I do. She’s not my baby any more so why would I want to see her every single day? It’s not fair to expect me to pretend that I’m her sister. What if I make a mistake and say something wrong? I can’t do it.’

  As Ruby welled up she was surprised to see the woman’s normally stern expression change slightly. Leonora Wheaton was usually brusque and unemotional in her dealings with everyone, be it the chambermaid, the milkman or the visiting vicar of the parish. No matter what the situation, her demeanour remained the same.